Thursday, January 29, 2015

Preparing for homecoming

I haven't written much lately because my mind has been completely consumed with two things, if I am just being honest...
wrapping up my last few months at work and homecoming.

The other day I was researching articles on "preparing for homecoming."
There are so many posts on preparing for deployment, but I found very little on preparing for homecoming. What I did find: Do not to stress too much about getting into shape, everything does not need to look perfect, and none of your frantic preparations will even matter when you see your spouse. To be honest - that is probably very true, but if you're anything like me, the "stress" of preparing for homecoming is keeping you sane.

So my "preparing for homecoming list" may be totally against the advice I read, but never the less: Preparing for Homecoming for Type A Personalities
  1. Keep putting along. Do not give up because the end is near. Keep your social calender busy, keep working hard, keep celebrating small milestones.
  2. Start making a list (lists). If you're anything like me, on a daily basis you have a million "tabs open" in your brain. Start writing lists down; to-do, grocery, budgets, I have them all. It helps to collect your mind from going into a million different directions, especially if you are still too far out to actually do anything yet.
    A calender with a list and a list on top of that list.
  3. When he says leave that for me - leave it for him, no matter how much it drives you crazy. We have a light out in the kitchen and for whatever reason, B wants to be the one to go buy the light and change it himself. Same with organizing the garage. When he comes home, I want him to feel like he is needed, because he still is and I make sure he knows it every day.
  4. Your ass is never going to have felt more motivated, get in the gym. Seriously, it's more motivating than a New Years resolution. Even if you are not a gym rat, it's amazing what a reduced sodium intake and some sit ups can do for how you look at feel. Believe me I've seen and felt the results on myself.
  5. Throw the months of homecoming day dreams out of the window and start bringing yourself back to reality. It's going to be perfect in the fact that your spouse is finally home, but it doesn't need to be perfect in any other way. So your curls won't stay in, so they were 4 hours later than they said and you've sweated off all of your makeup...The next few weeks will be a transition in more ways than one - cut yourself and him a break and allow yourself time to get back to your new normal.
All my lovely veteran spouses, spill it, I would love to hear your advice for homecomings!

8 comments:

  1. I agree! There is SO MUCH motivation to get things done and get in shape. Take advantage of it. Take advantage of all the things you wanted to do while they were gone, like decorating, getting rid of things, working out while you are alone because all you will want to do when they get home is spend time with them.

    ReplyDelete
  2. aww he's ready to get back to doing normal things too! Excited for you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. DO NOT allow your in-laws to be in town when he gets home. You deserve some time to yourself. But, be smart about this: make your HUSBAND tell his mother to wait a little before she comes to visit. Also, DO NOT plan his favorite meal for his first night home. Go out to dinner. Don't make it too fancy. Save fancy and home-cooked for other times. You never know when schedules will change and mess up reservations, and you never know when you might want some (ahem) alone time and never get around to cooking. HAPPY HOMECOMING!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Fill your home with some of his favorite things! If he has a favorite type of beer, have some in the fridge. If you know he's been really missing a certain type of snack or meal, have it planned to make sometime that week! Also, give him the space he needs when he gets home. I was all in my man's face after he returned home from a 10 month deployment. that overwhelmed after 10 months of being overseas, so I had to learn to not be too overwhelming for him.

    ReplyDelete
  5. After he arrives home, take time for yourself. Continue your exercise program. Schedule time with friends. Don't be surprised if you feel overwhelmed by his presence. Remain assertive with your own needs. Set boundaries. I remember setting strong boundaries protecting my sleep after my husband's first homecoming. I can't be going to bed after 11:00 pm or waking before 6:00 am, regardless of his schedule. The first few days/weeks following homecoming are full of endorphins, then the following months are often annoying and frustrating. Reintegration is never full of butterflies and roses. Ask for help if you need it. Chris returns from his second deployment soon, and I already have self care penciled into my schedule. Take care of yourself! Excited for you both! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. My husband and I are dual military and stationed apart. I deployed in July 13, he deployed Jun 14, I got home April 14 and he got home July 14. To say deployment felt long would be an understatement. I didn't get to have a homecoming with my husband because he was deployed. While my sister and mom were on the pier to welcome me home it wasn't the same as if my husband had been there. I learned from being on the deployed side of homecoming, we don't care about the big things. All I wanted when I got home was to be allowed to walk around barefoot and take a shower that didn't require me to have on shoes. It was really hard to re-adjust to being home in a normal environment again. I had to take things very slowly.

    As for prepping for my husbands homecoming, I had to travel to see him and you know how that goes. Everything that can go wrong, will! My first place to stay bailed on me the day I got on the road so I had to adjust hotel reservations and fast! I was lucky enough to make 2 new friends with wives of guys coming home as well so I learned to make the most of a bad situation. My hair wouldn't fluff up because of the lovely July humidity in South Carolina and nothing could keep me from sweating in my perfect little red, white and blue dress. But in the end none of that mattered. I could have been in my pajamas and my husband would have been just as happy to see me.

    Just remember that things won't go as planned. Have a backup outfit, dinner spot, groceries and whatnot. Give your husband time to readjust to being home but make sure he understands you're there for him, even when he needs to walk away alone for a little. It's hard to get use to "normal" life again so give it time.

    And most of all? Just be flexible! You'll laugh later at the hard times that come with home coming.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dont stress too much about the homecoming, because as soon as you see him that is all that matters! I def agree with the oher girls, to go out to dinner for your first meal instead of prepping to cook a homeade dinner the first night. This allows you BOTH to relax and enjoy quality time together just with catching up. Have a back up outfit ready for the homecoming. I had everything planned out, he was suppose to return home at 2pm in the afternoon, but then it changed to the next morning at 4am. So the outfit with the cute sexy wedges and cute dress went out the windown, I had something more causal and acceptable to wear at 4am haha Also he wouldnt even care what you are wearing cause he just wants to see YOU!

    His first thing he wanted to do was go home and take a long hot shower and just relax. We took a walk around Carlsbad and enjoyed a light lunch. Dinner was later on in the evening something simple and not fancy, but quiet so we could catch up! It was at Bistro West ((so good!)) and great atmosphere!

    The first week is amazing to have your loved one back and catch up and jsut be together. The weeks after can be a bit stressful, but it will fall into place. My guy has a rough time with re-integration back into a normal life the frist 3 months especially with being assigned a new batallion. Be patient. Make sure you are still doing stuff for yourself during that time. Fill the house up with his favorite foods, beers and it will all fall into place!

    ReplyDelete
  8. My advice would be to trust your instincts. I know that's vague, and so is this example: I got a *lot* of homecoming advice from a lot of different people. Some of it sounded good, some of it sounded way off base for us, some of it I wanted to apply to us but I knew deep down that it wouldn't. My instincts were right on every count. Trust your gut and remember to go with the flow.

    ReplyDelete