Thursday, December 26, 2013

Blue Christmas

It wasn't picture perfect and it wasn't the best. B had to work over Christmas this year. I had told all my friends and family, and most importantly myself that I would be fine alone on Christmas; it was just another day, just like when he goes into the field, any other night he doesn't come home, but being alone for Christmas was different. Not only was I without my only family in California, I am 3,000 miles away from my family and my usual traditions of Christmas. I could barely look at social media the entire day...I just stared in resentment and jealously at people that I loved, and that's not my heart.

I am very thankful, I did get to spend Christmas Eve with my husband and I had wonderful friends who invited me over for Christmas Day, but I just did not have the motivation or energy to spend Christmas Day with someone else's family. I think as military spouses we are under so much pressure all the time to be strong because someone does have it harder than you, and they are usually friends of yours, friends who spouses are deployed, friends who are playing Mommy, Daddy, and Santa this year. But I've learned that while other people will always have it worse, sometimes it's okay to allow yourself to feel a little blue, you don't always have to feel strong because someone has it worse.

We decided to celebrate our Christmas holiday on Christmas Eve. After I got off of work, we cooked breakfast and opened and played with our gifts while enjoying a couple of mimosas.
 

Later that afternoon we headed up to Orange County for a traditional Polish dinner, Wigilia, with Kate from Set This Circus Down and her family! Kate heard we weren't going home for the holidays and her family immediately opened their home to us. Her family is absolutely blessing; the kind of family that make you feel like family the second you walk into the door. It was such a treat to spend Christmas Eve with a family so similar to ours. I cannot imagine our holiday this year without their hospitality on Christmas Eve.
So at the beginning of this post I was talking of how sad I was over Christmas and by the end I talked about how nice it was, and it was both; sometimes it's still an adjustment to adapt to our new normal.

11 comments:

  1. Hugs!! Even with my hubby home I still felt a sadness without any family members (mainly my parents). I think you have every right to be sad and mope if you want to! I know I do. We can't be made of steel all the time ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. :( You have a good heart. I'm glad you ended on a positive note and that you have good friends nearby!

    ReplyDelete
  3. My husband isn't in the military but I have been away from my family with just my husband and it is different, weird, fun, and sad all at the same time. I think better to acknowledge the feelings, as you did, and then work to have a bit of fun, but not forget to care for yourself too!

    ReplyDelete
  4. WOW! That's amazing Jordan for you to be able to spend the holiday with Kate! Being brought in a military family(but my Dad went reserve when i was 5)... we ALWAYS had orphans at our holiday get togethers.
    As for being Blue at Christmas. I worked in TV news for years and years... and many times got stuck working.
    :(
    :(

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, and one year?? I actually moved from Baton Rouge to Reno arriving on 12/23! My parents and I spent Christmas Eve on air mattresses in my apartment b/c no furniture had arrived!! My Mom stuffed a table top tree into her suitcase. We drove to Tahoe Christmas day and ate at a Casino buffet! HAAAA!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I bet that was pretty hard. Luckily you had such a nice Christmas eve :) There is a good possibility that I may be home alone on NYE and it is making me pretty sad.

    ReplyDelete
  7. aww love this! So glad you were able to join Kate and her family. Aren't they precious?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am so sorry your husband wasn't home Christmas Day. As a fellow MilSpouse, I know the suckage that you feel. Makes me grateful for every holiday we do have together, as we are barely batting .500 at this point.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I completely understand how you felt. Brian had duty Christmas Eve and Christmas Day…BLAH! But I am glad you two were able to do a pre-Christmas celebration!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sorry your Christmas sucked, but happy you were able to come over on Christmas Eve! Hopefully next year will be better for you!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I was alone on Christmas as the hubs was out of town, I hear you, it sucks. I shed a few tears and def was bummed out. I do love those earrings you got!

    ReplyDelete