Sunday, April 01, 2012

Addressing You Anonymous Comment


Every so often when I mention the military on my blog, I get a snotty comment from a blogger that feels the need to put my in my place about how little I know about the military. I have ignored it for months, deleting the comment and moving on. However, this person in particular feels the need question my integrity and inform me that I am premature in addressing the "d-word." I might be. I do try to always educate myself before putting anything too controversial on my blog. So when I say something about a deployment, it's because I have a friend whose husband just graduated this past Friday from the same MOS school that my fiance will be going to and was placed in a unit that will deploy by the end of this summer. I know that's not everyone, and I hope it's not B when the time comes. My heart aches for anyone who has to be without their family whether they are separated by  field training, a deployment, or a 9-5. There is nothing more special than being surrounded with the people you love and I cherish that. I cry every time that B comes for a visit and leaves the following Sunday. There is nothing romantic about being separated from a loved one, military or not. So to be disrespectful in "my space" by accusing me of marrying someone in the military because I think being a lady in waiting during a deployment is romantic is completely false and out of line. A potential deployment is a reality in the military and for the MOS my fiance has been assigned. I am not going to call it the "d-word," it is what it is and I am not going to shy away from it to pretend it doesn't exist. It's how I handle things, and it's how we handle things as a couple.

I know exactly who this person is, and I know her deployment experience ended tragically. I am in no way trying to even remotely understand or pretend like I know what you are going through, but I would never speak to you, or anyone in the way you have to me. We all go through things, people have it worse than me and people have it worse than you, but we are all entitled to feel emotions.

Most days, this blog is a happy place for me and a place where I can be creative. The reason I started blogging in the first place is because of the military community I found when B went off to OCS. I knew nothing, but I had support and understanding from people I didn't know. For me, anonymous comment, you annoyed me for an hour, but my day isn't going to be ruined because I have a reader that doesn't like something I've said, but I do know that I've seen other bloggers whose world fell apart from hateful people and their nasty words. I think it's an important reminder to everyone, myself included that above all, we are called to serve one another in love [Galatians 5:13] whether that is face-to-face or through a computer screen.

39 comments:

  1. Love your response to someone's attempt to bring you down. You're right, all of us bloggers get these from time to time but it's about how we react to them. Very classy response! Keep your chin up. Your blog and perspective are loved!

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  2. Good for you, girl. This was a very mature way to address the IMMATURE person leaving a comment anonymously. Only a coward would do so. I love your blog, and clearly so do the majority of people.. so don't let one sorry person ruin your space! :)

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  3. The internet tends to bring out the ugly in people, but as usual, you responded with class and grace. Obviously this person is speaking out of pain, and that's horrible. Way to be a shining light of positivity.

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  4. I cannot imagine a classier response to such a tacky situation. No one has any right to question or judge the hearts of those in our military or their loved ones. I am so thankful for our servicemen and for sweet ladies like you that continue to support them. I loved reading your blog before, but I will have even more respect for you now.

    Allyson
    http://cupcakescandycanes.blogspot.com

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  5. I can't imagine someone reading your blog taking you as a romantic damsel in destress waiting for your hero to return home. When I read your blog I see a realist. You know it's going to happen, you aren't going to dwell on it, and you are going to do your best to keep a smile on your face durin hard times. It's not easy loving someone who leaves- regardless of military or not. Love is love. And you miss someone if they are gone for a day or a year.

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  6. Anonymous commenters who hit blogs in negative ways make my blood boil. I know it happens but I feel so hurt and humiliated by them sometimes it is hard to not let them get to you. Thank you for posting a classy response.

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  7. Way to be classy Jordan! You obviously have a lot of people who love to hear what you have to say - and we're so grateful for people like you and your fiance who both put their life on the line for us and have to learn to live apart from their loved ones in order to do it. Keep your head up girl!

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  8. Keepin' it classy girlfriend!

    I had some ugly, ugly people harass me via Twitter and my blog over the ages prior to being married, during M's deployment, after, and during our divorce. There were many times I was outraged and felt like giving up the blog thing. It was pretty ridiculous. Nothing is more amusing than someone who thinks they are a know it all in regards to someone else's life or life in general. I feel sorry for these people because they literally don't have a life. People are always going to hate on the beautiful, the confident, the righteous, and the self assured.

    xo

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  9. This is such a wonderful response to an ugly comment. I will never understand nasty anonymous comments.

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  10. As an anonymous reader (since I have no blog) of your blog whose husband is a marine infantry officer, I have never felt like your blog in any way romanticized, belittled, demeaned or made light of, a deployment. Just wanted you to know you have support in the anonymous as well. Not all anonymous readers are with ill-intent.

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  11. I don't understand why people feel the need to put each other down. From one military wife to another, we are all in this together and should be supportive, not try to tear each other down. I respect you for writing about this though. Maybe it will show her what stress her actions have caused you.

    xo

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  12. I've only been following your blog for a few weeks now and this is the first time I've ever commented on any blog. Regardless, I wanted to comment now and say that you handled the situation with the anonymous commenter in a very classy way. As someone who's fiance is not in the military but know many people who are, I can understand and appreciate the hardships and compromises a military family makes during deployment. Keep blogging, your posts are inspiration to us all and have inspired me start my own blog.

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  13. One more reason you are a huge role model in my life. We are about the same age and our lives follow similar paths but you are so much more "southern" than I am. By that I mean you have class for days and the patience of a saint. Reading your blog keeps me on track with how I want to live my life.
    You are an incredible woman and you are going to make an incredible wife. No one knows what to expect in the military. I've been in for over 3 years and I'm still surprised daily. You are going to be a great addition to the family.

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  14. I'm sorry you've had to find early on how full of competition the military is. One rate verses another, O verses E, six month verses twelve month deployments on a ship or boots on the ground. Of all the people to expect criticism from, fellow military SOs shouldn't be included on the list. Fortunately supportive spouses are much more common than the ones who tear you down. If you haven't already, I'm sure you'll be able to find friends who have been there, done that, and will be a support for you regardless of your situation.

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  15. It hurts me when I hear people bringing others down in the hopes of bringing themselves up. I have been a follower of your blog since probably the first month or two that you had it. At the time, I was finishing up my first deployment with my marine officer boyfriend of 3 years. Our deployment ending was not a fairly tale in that he unexpectedly broke up with me 3 days after he came home with no explanation. For a long time I couldn't stand anything military-related and purged everything military-related from my life...except your blog. Which for whatever reason I could never let go of. Your concerns for the d-word are indeed real and no one should minimize that.

    I look forward to reading your blog everyday, it makes me nothing but happy and hopeful:)

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  16. You handled this so gracefully. I have yet to understand why people take the time to write a negative comment, especially when they hide under "anonymous." Don't let one bitter person get you down. There are over 650 of us who come here to this page because we love YOU and your blog.

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  17. Gotta love people thinking they know you through a BLOG. I agree that we probably know a lot about you, but it takes time spent with someone to truly KNOW them. With that said, I have NEVER gotten the feeling that you are just romanticizing your future life as a military spouse. I can tell you are proud of you dude (as you should be), but never anything like this person has tried to say.

    Girl, I love reading your blog, and I love your motivation seen throughout various aspects of your life. It is so apparent that you put everything into your relationship with your fiance, your friends, and your fam. Stay true to who you are!

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  18. Good for you for calling her out. People need to not read blogs they only want to leave negative comments on!

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  19. Oh, sweet anonymous commenters :( I agree with so many before me who love the class, dignity and poise you have addressed her with. It bothers me so much when we beat each other up instead of build each other up. You will be a rockstar wife- and don't let anyone ever diminish your feelings!

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  20. Although there are so many mean and nasty people in this world, you handled the situation brilliantly Jordan! Don't let the "anonymous" commenters get to you because we all adore your blog and know what a sweet person you are! :) Keep smiling and if/when your time comes to go through a deployment you will get through it just like you have everything else so far! :)

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  21. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this!!

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  22. How terrible! This breaks my heart for you. I'm thankful that you shared your thoughts on this issue. I can't thank your soon-to-be hubby enough for his service to our country and I thank you too. I KNOW it's a sacrifice for family and friends who have loved ones serving in the military and I know it can't always be easy. Don't let this one disrespectful person get you down. :)

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  23. Thank you so much for posting this! It's so true that we should serve one another in love at all times, and all places, the internet included! I just received my first negative, anonymous comment the other day. They were attacking my faith and questioning my beliefs. I wanted to ignore and just delete it, but I couldn't! I'm so glad that you approached this in a well put post :)

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  24. So terrible! I love your blog. I am not military-related in anyway, but my husband does and has work out of the country for a majority of our relationship (we joked that before we got married we spent more time apart than together, which was true). I enjoy your blog, because things you have and are going through, I have too. My friend can't relate and think long-distance is a two-hour drive (try an international flight!) Keep true to yourself girl! Keep positive! Your blog brings a light to so many other people!

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  25. WOW! I'm a new reader and that is so mean someone chooses to cut you down. So rude!

    You handled the situation with such class, something that commentor obviously lacks.

    Everyone's military situation is different and people need to relax. My sister has been with her Army boyfriend for 3+ years. Most Army people question why they aren't married yet, to which I get so angry. Why do you HAVE to get married so soon and so young? What is wrong with waiting and making sure? I know it makes things more complicated with NOT being recognized by the Army, but that's NO reason to rush.

    ***Please know I am not hating or putting down ANYONE who gets married quickly, rather saying to each their own.***

    There is no RIGHT or wrong way. You have a new follower and supporter ma'am. Looking forward to reading. xoxo

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  26. Jordan, I so needed this today. I have had some trolls visiting a very personal post I wrote about my brother in September and questioning my integrity, my brother's, and insulting me as a woman. I have changed my settings so posts aren't published until I see them first, but it's difficult to not feel violated when someone comes into your space and is not a kind visitor.

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  27. Always classy, Miss Jordan. What a great response and certainly the right way to address someone trying to bring negativity into your life.

    P.S. Talked about you a bit this weekend with Reina and we both agreed that your wedding excites us! :)

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  28. Amen to that Jordan. There is no reason to belittle or take away from someone else is experience. We all deserve to share what we FEEL. And we each handle our feelings differently. No matter what the situation, I am so proud of you for writing this post. And I agree with all the others who have said that you're just sharing and not romanticizing. I hope your week is off to a better start!

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  29. "serve one another in love [Galatians 5:13]" Amen!

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  30. Love every bit of what you posted! I have yet gotten a nasty comment on my blog, and I feel sorry for the one that does, lol. I am from the south, and I can be a classy lady, or a fiery cajun. :)

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  31. I hope this anonymous poster seeks professional help. You keep on doing you! : )

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  32. Good for you! You should be able to talk about anything you want on your blog. It's a place vent and share thoughts and feelings. Keep doing what you are doing!

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  33. I have been where you are. Several times I have been in a situation where my lack of knowledge about a military related situation meant I was naive or my feelings about spending several months apart was my attempt at being dramatic. It hurts to be put down for any reason but for some reason it always hurts more when it comes from those we believe will be our biggest supporters, those who know what we are going through. However, I have met some amazing people as a new Marine wife who have been supportive and helpful - and from reading your blog, I believe you will be a wonderful addition to the USMC family :)

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  34. How did I miss this!?! Seriously, what is wrong with some people? You do not need to give an explanation for thinking about deployments or any other aspect of military life. You are in it. Yes, it's just the beginning but you are smack dap in the middle of it and will live it every second of every day for the next several years. You are entitled to be concerned or anxious about all of the changes and the what ifs that come along with this life - you'd be crazy if you weren't feeling those feelings! I'm sorry that this person had a tragic experience but (unfortunately) I know many people in the military community that have had those experiences (people very very close to us) but they don't use it as an excuse to treat others poorly. We need to lift each other up and encourage each other. We've been there and I've gone through exactly what you're experiencing now. We've done training, an OCONUS move only months after getting married, and several deployments. I am happy to use all of my experiences to help you through yours. That's what military spouses do. We all started somewhere and I'm sure this person probably had another spouse or two to turn to when she was new to it all. I'm sorry you had to experience the dark side of the military spouse community but keep your head up and continue to walk with dignity. This is your blog and you write it beautifully. I'm proud to call you my friend and if this person doesn't like what you write then they are free to click that little red X in the corner of their screen!

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  35. Miss Jordan, I'm glad you addressed this, in the manner you did, and put it to rest so that you could move on gracefully, but still allow yourself the freedom to stick up for yourself and not be walked all over. I'm so surprised how people use the computer screen as a means to say whatever the hell they want, and it's utterly astounding how people who DO NOT KNOW YOU, can say words as fact, as if they truly know who you are. I had an incident where someone questioned my character, called me nasty, belittling things and this person does not know me AT ALL, yet claimed to know "exactly what kind of person i was". It's shameful, cowardly and idiotic. No one has the right to tell you how to feel or act in your relationship, it doesn't matter what extreme/experience/knowledge of military protocol and life you have under your belt yet. You are already part of this crazy world, and only beginning your experiences with all of this. You have every right to talk about every aspect of what this life entails, we're all at different levels, we've all had different experiences, good or bad and none is greater, of more worth, or of more importance than the next. I wish everyone could be more supportive, this kind of lifestyle should link us happily together, not be a showboat and pissing contest as to who has had it the hardest/best/or knows more. Sorry someone was obviously so miserable in their own life, they tried to bring you down as well. I'm glad you held your head high and know without a doubt that you have every right to say what you want, feel what you want, and express what you want. Love you girlie!!
    xoxo
    hillary

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